Throwback Thursday: Sixth Grade Mo Had Deep Thoughts (and ADD)

On the first day of sixth grade, my language arts teacher handed out blank composition books and announced an exciting year-long project: we would use the notebooks to respond to writing prompts she’d provide periodically in class, then turn them in quarterly for her to read. How fun! I got to work doodling all over my fresh book immediately (by the time the year was through, I had filled up two entire books):

Man, I really missed my calling as an artist or graphic designer.

Being a huge nerd, I really was quite excited about the project. I liked writing, and the idea of a year-long assignment seemed so grown-up. I took it very seriously and looked forward to the days when our teacher would tell us to take out our notebooks and reply to a prompt she had written on the blackboard. For example, here’s my response to a prompt on best friends:

My friend, Brittany, is my best friend for many reasons. She is very loyal. I’ve known her since 2nd grade and she’s never left me. She’s funny when I’m sad or mad, and she’s also cheerful. She isn’t usually sad. It’s very fun to be with a cheerful person.

See? Please admire my accurate spelling, ambitious (if not 100% correct) use of commas, and the appropriately introspective tone to match the spirit of the assignment. (On a sidenote, I also urge you to take a moment to acknowledge my comically low standards for friendship. Brittany really was a great friend, but apparently just not ditching me in favor of cooler people and not being a total Debbie Downer was pretty much all I required.)

All quarter long, I dutifully answered each prompt and eagerly anticipated the day I’d get to turn my journal in for its review. I imagined my teacher reading through my thoughtful replies, sagely nodding at my intelligence and maturity and thinking to herself, “ah, that Maureen! What a gem of a student! If only all my students could be like her!”

And then about two days before it was time to turn them in, I overheard a conversation between some classmates and realized I had missed a crucial component of the assignment: we were supposed to be writing in these stupid things EVERY SINGLE SCHOOLDAY, not just when the teacher provided a prompt on the blackboard! Evidently, on the days when no prompt was provided, we were just supposed to get creative and write about something that happened that day or whatever was on our mind.

Whoops.

You see, I have a serious case of ADD, which unfortunately went undiagnosed until I was 25 years old. My school career was riddled with situations like this, where I zoned out and completely missed the instructions for an assignment or sat through an entire lecture and then later realized I had taken precisely zero notes (or that my notes made no sense) and thus had retained absolutely no information whatsoever. The good news is that by sixth grade, even though I didn’t know that my focus issues were caused by an actual diagnosable and treatable condition, I was familiar with the pattern and wasn’t all that shocked to discover that I had missed the instructions. As soon as I realized my mistake, I sprung into action and spent the next two nights making up journal entries for the previous two months.

Obviously, I couldn’t remember what I had been doing on each of those days, so I simply racked my brain for topics I thought might belong in a journal. I actually consider it a blessing in disguise that I initially missed the instructions, because the entries I came up with during that two-day crunch time are far more entertaining that anything I wrote during the rest of the year when I was actually doing the assignment daily as intended. Here’s a sampling:

I wonder what it’s going to be like in the future. I mean, it seems fine right now, but they still keep coming up with “breakthrough” technology. If we already have computers that cheack [sic] your spelling, VCRs that turn themselves on and off, radios that have remote controlls [sic], how much better could you possibly get?

I really could have used one of those spell-cheaking computers. Also, who the hell has a remote-control radio?! I don’t even think that’s a thing. And why on earth would I think that a remote-controlled radio (if they even existed; I’m dubious) was the best that technology had to offer?

I love to read. It’s like, my hobby. I read while I eat, drink Dr. Pepper, I even read while I watch TV. It’s really fun and exciting. I could read all day!

Dudes, I wasn’t lying. Please note the book, the snack, and the cup of Dr. Pepper:

See how FUN and EXCITING reading is? (PS: I still do this now; you could swing by my house on a Saturday evening and recreate this exact same photo, save, perhaps, for the sweet purple scrunchie.)

I wonder why the CTBS test makes you use a No. 2 pencil? Why not a 2.5 pencil? Who invented CTBS tests anyway? They seem dumb to me. They’re so easy, and they don’t challenge you. And they make you fill out so much info about yourself! It’s really quite boring, and it takes up HOURS of your time. What a waste!!

I was ahead of my time with that political stance against standardized testing. I also like my humble-brag about the tests being too easy for my brilliant mind. The test must have lacked a spelling section.

If I had to choose between being blind or deaf, I’d choose to be deaf because when you’re blind, you can’t do any of the things that you would normally do: reading, walking on your own, watching TV, etc etc. But if you’re deaf you can still drive, walk, read, etc. You just can’t hear the doorbell or the telephone, but you can buy phones that light up.

See, deaf people should never complain. All they have to do is buy a light-up telephone and their problems are solved! If you go blind, on the other hand…good luck, because your life is totally going to suck. You can’t even watch TV!

 

If you’re curious, my teacher gave my journal a 100% score that quarter, even though she had to have realized that I fucked up and did it wrong since all the prompted entries came first and were followed by a barrage of hastily-scribbled un-dated ramblings. I guess she was just that impressed by my deep thoughts!

Can you blame her? Just look at that seriously studious student!