I’m Dreaming of an Unemployed Husband

Last November, when I was 8 months pregnant with Bubba, TFW was informed that his department was being downsized and thus he would no longer have a job as of January 1. What awful timing for such terrible news, right?

WRONG! I’ve never been so happy in my life.

Prior to getting that “bad” news, I had spent the duration of my pregnancy in a constant state of stress about what would happen after I had the baby. Thanks to this country’s horrific lack of reasonable laws regarding maternity leave (thanks a lot, Obama*), if I wanted to keep my job (and I sure did), I was going to have to return to work precisely three weeks after giving birth.

Which of course meant that I’d have to start looking for a nanny approximately 3 minutes after giving birth (I felt that I couldn’t hammer it down ahead of time because I didn’t know exactly when the baby would be arriving and thus couldn’t give anyone a firm start date, and, more importantly, because I was a nervous wreck throughout my pregnancy and was superstitiously convinced that too much planning would surely result in disaster; yes, I realize how ridiculous that sounds now and yes, the sheer pathetic-ness is making me cringe). And then prepare to hand my three week old newborn over to a virtual stranger every day.

I cried stress-tears every day for about four straight months.

So when TFW reported that he was going to be out of a job at the end of the year, I was seriously ecstatic. It was quite possibly the most bizarre reaction to a layoff in the history of unemployment. Our conversation went something like this:

TFW: “Well, I’m being laid off. But not until the end of December. So I’ve got a couple months to figure things out—”

Me: “ARE YOU SERIOUS?! THANK GOD!”

TFW: “Um…this job wasn’t that bad…”

Me: “YOU CAN BE A STAY AT HOME DAD FOR A WHILE!!!!!”

I honestly can’t even describe the relief I felt. All the stress I’d been feeling for the previous few months evaporated in an instant. I was able to relax and enjoy the last few weeks of my pregnancy, knowing that by the time I had to go back to work after having the baby, TFW would officially be an Unemployed Bum.

It really was perfect. Of course I was sad (and entirely too tired) to go back to work after 3 weeks, but, remember, I do work from home. With the Unemployed Bum home watching the baby, I was able to focus on work without having to worry about a stranger taking care of my delicate child (not that TFW really knew what he was doing, either…but he learned fast). Plus, he took the baby on exciting outings like “picking up In N Out Burger for Mama’s lunch” and “doing the grocery shopping so Mama doesn’t have to later.” Life was grand!

And it gave him a good appreciation for how hard it is to take care of a baby all day, every day:

Eventually, of course, he had to get all selfish and get another job. I guess we needed the money or something. UGH! But let me tell you, those few months were PERFECT. Every time the babysitter is late, or when TFW gets stuck in traffic on the way home from work, or when I have to go to Target myself on a weekday, I think back to the good old days and ask him: “Why can’t you just get fired again??”

Remember how fun it was??

*That was a joke…obviously. Obama 2012!