The Juggernaut

I’m sure this is going to come as a shock to some of you, because of how undeniably cool I am, but the man I married is a bit of a nerd.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

Obviously, I’m not the least bit cool either (twist! The first sentence of this post was facetious!), but there are all kinds of different nerds in the world, from the pocket-protector wearers to those poor fools who have convinced themselves that dressing up in anime costumes is in any way defensible. I myself am of the frizzy-haired “square” ilk of nerds; I prefer reading quietly to clubbing and there’s nothing better than a joke where no one gets hurt. My husband, on the other hand, is the type of nerd who plays Magic: The Gathering (don’t ask me why that stupid colon needs to be involved in the name of a card game) and not only makes no effort to conceal this fact but also sees no reason not to incorporate MTG terminology into his everyday lexicon as if normal people are actually going to know what he’s talking about.

Now, I don’t mean to disparage MTG, even if I do think it’s entirely too complicated (the one time I let TFW try to teach me how to play, I quit in disgust/protest after about ten minutes because I was convinced that my computerized opponent was cheating; I’m still bitter — how is it possible that none of my randomly-drawn cards were any good but every single one of his had some special magical power with which to crush me?!) and if we’re being completely honest, I find the fantasy aspect to be sort of cringe-worthy (why not just play the game? Do you really need to call yourselves “planeswalkers” while you’re at it? Believe me, you’re not doing yourselves any favors). MTG has played an integral role in my dear hubbins’ life, giving him friends and life experience and even a career, and henceforth I reserve a special place in my heart for this bastion of nerdery.

So when TFW first started calling our son “The Juggernaut” and told me that it was a reference to a Magic card, I smiled (because it’s kinda cute that this grown man is relating our child to a trading card game) and rolled my eyes (because it’s kinda creepy that this grown man is relating our child to a trading card game), assuming it was just another of his endless supply of nerdy MTG references I wouldn’t totally “get”. But then he went on to explain that the Juggernaut’s power within the game is that it “must attack every turn“:

And I had to agree that it suited our son, who has never met a piece of furniture he didn’t want to climb or a toy he didn’t want to throw and can’t sit calmly for 10 seconds before seeking out more adventurous pastures, perfectly.

Must…

Attack…

Every…

Turn!

He can’t be blocked by common sense, physical obstructions, or the word “no”. He is: THE JUGGERNAUT!

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Sidenote: Since I am not hip to the MTG lingo, I had to consult TFW while writing this to clarify a game-related point. Our conversation went as follows:

Me: “What do you call the little critters on the cards, like are they ‘characters’ or —”

TFW: “CREATURES! They’re called CREATURES.”

At least I’m cooler than one person in the world.